Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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