she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
