You're completely useless in the revolution.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
