Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
