I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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