I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
