i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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