So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
