She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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