Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
