I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
