spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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