I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
