you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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