Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
