No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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