I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
