I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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