Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
