he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
