Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
