Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
