i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
