where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
