ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
