I'm going to jail i love you
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
