New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
