I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
