This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize