All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
