the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
