I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
