so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
