So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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