giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My bed smells like the plague
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
