we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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