A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
