If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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