I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
