And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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