Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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