I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
