He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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