i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
