9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
