My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
