9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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