I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
