i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
