Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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