90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
