My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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