So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
