im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
