He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
