And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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