I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
